Photoshop Trials

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If you ever wanna feel dumb, try learning Photoshop by yourself. 

Many of the buttons look the same as in other Microsoft applications. They are not. You may think what you're trying to achieve, such as extending a line, is simple. The gods laugh at your hubris. But hey, at least when you're done, storing and exporting is as easy as 1, 2, 3 oh shit I guess I never wanted an image anyways.

You may say, Alejandro, the internet is a wonderful resource! Simply look for a Youtube tutorial and voila, you'll be making fake news photos in no time!

Counterpoint: if I have to listen to one more overly-salivating techy take 15 minutes to explain two button presses, I'll yell at an otter.

Not hurt. Not harm. Yell.

Man, I better unwind with this Newest Page of Time Cheetah. You know you can check us out and subscribe on the wonderful Tapastic? You will, after we drill it into your head fifty times!

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Last Crusade

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Hey, when was the last time you watched Indiana Jones and The Last Crusade?

--If the answer is "never," stop reading, leave whatever location you are in and go to the nearest computer (if you are reading this on a computer, just leave the room and come right back in) and stream that bad boy. Right now.

--If the answer is “a while ago,” then you might not remember how much of an absolute blast you have every time you watch this movie. Like the part with the boats? Or the Nazi castle? What about the blimp? Or the tank? Ah man. Time for a rewatch.

--If the answer is “oh, I just watched it last week,” or “I just finished watching because you told me to, jackass” or whatever, then you're fine. Oh, wait, I meant WATCH IT AGAIN!

What were we talking about? Oh yeah, Time Cheetah! We're so close to the end of Part 1, and Colonel Bolshevik is tantalizingly out of sight. Read on!

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Too Much Mexico?

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Is there such a thing as too much Mexico in one weekend? Yes.

You may know I recommend the tour company I work for, Turista Libre, way too much for a job that doesn't pay commission. You may also know it was Mexican Independence Day last weekend on September 16th. And you may remember that 'Canelo' Alvarez, our current gift to boxing, challenged the junior lightweight champion the night after.

So:

-Drinking for our non-alien destroying Independence Day.

-Drinking for my private beer tour on Saturday. The itinerary? Drinking. When I was done...

-Drinking at Plaza Fiesta to watch the Canelo fight. More drinking when he won. 

-Drinking Sunday for another private tour. Guess the itinerary.

If anybody knows a patriotism detox, I'm all ears. I'll just relax with a stunning new page of Time Cheetah, the hottest new webcomic in Mexico. Viva!

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PANDA PANDA PANDA

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According to Soundscan tracking numbers, there's 75,000 new music albums released every second. At least 15,000 of those are Hip Hop albums and mixtapes. Nobody has time to listen to all of it, there's just not enough hours in a minute. So, I'm gonna do you a favor, here's two Hip Hop albums from this year that, if you haven't heard 'em yet, it's about time you rectified that:

Telefone by Noname – Female artist from Chicago, her first mixtape, it's the happiest album about bummer happenings that you'll hear today. It sounds like looking out a window on a day that's almost too warm but is actually just right.

Malibu by Anderson .Paak – California dude, second proper album, it's full of big sounds like horns and drums that make you shake ya butt, and small sounds like subtle background vocals and funky bass lines that keep your head nodding. It's an album that's very inviting and too cool for words.

Also, maybe just listen to Panda by Desiigner over and over until you love it? Then maybe keep listening until you're completely sick of it? Then listen even more times until the word Panda loses all meaning? Then listen like five more times? Then you'll be where I'm at. That's where I'm at.

Whoa, hey, isn't there a new Time Cheetah page you could be reading? What are you doing here? Time Cheetah fights an AI Stalin! Check it!

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