NUMBERS ON THE BOARD

Played some fun board games over the weekend, which reminded how much I used to love board games as a kid. So, figured I'd take today's post to rank, in arbitrary order, my favorite childhood board games:

Monopoly – Every child needs to play this, it teaches so many valuable life lessons: winners gloat like assholes, losers have to stick around until it's over, and the uncaring capitalistic system will only punish you for your careless deeds.

Candyland – It's candy. There's a land of it. Whaddaya need, a road map?

Operation – I've heard this actually gets you some Pre-Med credits in a couple of schools. Seriously.

RISK – War reduced the whims of an untrained commander and the roll of a die. Sounds about right.

Battleship – War reduced to “YOU BASTARD, YOU LOOKED AT MY BOARD WHILE I WAS IN THE BATHROOM, DIDN'T YOU?!”

Connect Four – I'll be honest, I never finished a single game since I would release all the pieces just before my brother beat me at it. After the third time, he caught on to my winning strategy.

Sorry – Love means never having to say you're sorry, ya dingus!

Crossfire – Ha! You fool, nobody owned Crossfire! But now the song is stuck in your head!

Hey! Did you read today's Time Cheetah page yet? Go check it, people argue and Cheetah gets all sulky about it. Enjoy!