NUMBERS ON THE BOARD

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Played some fun board games over the weekend, which reminded how much I used to love board games as a kid. So, figured I'd take today's post to rank, in arbitrary order, my favorite childhood board games:

Monopoly – Every child needs to play this, it teaches so many valuable life lessons: winners gloat like assholes, losers have to stick around until it's over, and the uncaring capitalistic system will only punish you for your careless deeds.

Candyland – It's candy. There's a land of it. Whaddaya need, a road map?

Operation – I've heard this actually gets you some Pre-Med credits in a couple of schools. Seriously.

RISK – War reduced the whims of an untrained commander and the roll of a die. Sounds about right.

Battleship – War reduced to “YOU BASTARD, YOU LOOKED AT MY BOARD WHILE I WAS IN THE BATHROOM, DIDN'T YOU?!”

Connect Four – I'll be honest, I never finished a single game since I would release all the pieces just before my brother beat me at it. After the third time, he caught on to my winning strategy.

Sorry – Love means never having to say you're sorry, ya dingus!

Crossfire – Ha! You fool, nobody owned Crossfire! But now the song is stuck in your head!

Hey! Did you read today's Time Cheetah page yet? Go check it, people argue and Cheetah gets all sulky about it. Enjoy!

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Taco Translation

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Translation is hard and dumb at the same time.

I've spent my whole life growing up with two languages, Spanish and English, in two cities, San Diego and Tijuana, that often seem undecided as to which one they want to use more. I can switch between the two mid-sentence, blend regional pronunciations for both, and decipher the nuance of slang in either one. But it took my whole life to get to this point.

Translation is hard.

Today, I had Tacos Varios for lunch. I'm sure even those well versed in Mexican Cuisine will be confused, Tacos what-now? Tacos Varios are incredibly common in Mexico, but non-existent in the USA. They're tacos filled with the ingredients from a stew. Most places have many stews to choose from, hence the name, Tacos Varios.

What does Tacos Varios translate to in English? Various Tacos.

You go to a Various Tacos cart to have various types of tacos.

Translation is dumb. 

Tacos were pretty good thought. You know what else is good? This New Time Cheetah Page. CHECK IT OUT!

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Not Many Scones

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I work in comics, I write Time Cheetah, and, on occasion, I play video games. And the video game story of the day is that No Man’s Sky (NMS to its close friends), Hello Game’s highly anticipated space travel/trade/fight/lookit-that-weird-thing game, is finally out on PS4. Will the game be good? Who knows! But the soundtrack is pretty sweet, so to commemorate the release, why not give it a listen?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5AWX54C49pw

https://play.spotify.com/album/0CkuFPWCLJjCAEKy0dce40


In Time Cheetah news, we’re 10 pages in and pretty close to actually getting to Stalin Island. In the meanwhile, you’ve all met Ryan and Carl. Here’s some fun facts about these two:

—Aside from Rodriguez, these guys were the first characters that my brother Alejandro and I created for Time Cheetah. They used to be even dumber, if you can believe it.

—I have had about four different close friends named Ryan since I left High School. This character is based on none of them.

—In Numerology, Carl translates to 3-1-18-12, which is in reference to the Christian trinity (Father, Son, Holy Ghost = 3) being the one (one = 1) who orchestrated the War of 1812 (18+12, but not like addition, right next to each other = 1812). It’s not what’s usually taught in the textbooks, but I wanted to get some REAL facts out there, and using character names is my favorite way to do it.

—I don’t know what Numerology actually is, please help.

Anyway, keep reading Time Cheetah, today’s page actually has a small detail which will lead to many, many jokes down the road. Just in case the jokes on this page don’t do it for ya, WE’RE WORKING AHEAD!

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Yes And?

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You may wonder, especially after reading Tuesday's essay on Cats, how is it that my brother Carlos is so funny? The answer is simple: years of improv. Every week, twice a week, he would go to the improv factory and work on the line building jokes. And that hard work payed off. Now, he's a funny-mage with public laughter at his beck and call.

Being brothers, this clear edge will not do.

I have just started improv classes myself. It is a cold craft, though that may have just been the air conditioning. Despite all the friendly people and light atmosphere, I will forge on.

Already I feel progress in my very veins. One of the key lessons was of 'Yes And'. The concept of 'No' does not exist in improv. Much like Buddhism, one must accept the world as it is, not question or reject it. 

Let's practice this, you and I. A statement will supplied for you, rest easy. But only you can finish this improv cycle. Ready?

- "The new Time Cheetah page sure is amazing!"

Quick, 'Yes And'. 'YES AND'!

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