Time Cheetah's looking pretty screwed right about now... but fear not, he's got an ace up his sleeve!

My brother and I purchased the newest Hitman video game (creatively titled Hitman for maximum confusion), where you control a bald James Bond with a knack for disguises and a love of creative assassination. The game's got some ridiculously large levels, and in the span of a few hours I managed to discover some pretty creative slaughter options:

--You can dress up as a fashion model that's friends with one of the murder targets. But if you do, you gotta walk down the runway and strut your stuff before you can go drown someone in a toilet. Work it.

--You can set off a fireworks display that attracts two targets to look at it, and then drop one from a balcony so they fall on top of the other. Double kill, as they say.

–You can bribe a local mime, take his place, and ride a unicycle rigged with explosives right into a super secret auction and blow up every rich evil asshole in there. Pros: super cathartic. Cons: you have to pretend to be a mime. The abyss stares also.

I swear only one of those scenarios is made up. And I'll be honest, it's not unlikely I just haven't found the mime and his unicycle in this particular level. These places are huge, with different level design and murder scenarios that make me wish there were so many more of them. My suggestions for new levels:

–The headquarters of a fast food corporation where you have to execute the CEO, but you can only kill people with hamburgers, but thankfully they do a lot of hamburger R&D in this building, so you can equip all sorts of different kinds of murder-burgers (murder your way).

–In a museum, but the museum is actually a diorama inside a bigger museum. And that museum? You guessed it: a creationist museum. So you murder your target with a tiny fossil.

–At a petting zoo, but the only disguises are animal ones. So you have to pretend to be a goat if you want to get close to the corrupt Russian oligarch. But it'll be totally worth it.

–The inside of someone's brain, like that movie Inside Out. Or the Cell. Depends how much J-Lo you want in your level.

Review score: 10+/A.5/Game of Thrones of The Year. Play it.

December has officially begun! The year is almost over! And that means we should talk about and celebrate the good things that happened this year as we get ready to stab 2016 in the chest and bury it deep in the ground and never speak of it again!

We Got It From Here… Thank You 4 Your Service by A Tribe Called Quest: the last album by A Tribe Called Quest, and it’s just… it’s good and you can dance to it and you’ll feel good and also sad but ultimately hopeful. I just love it.

The Nice Guys: Shane Black wrote and directed a funny, tightly-paced 70’s detective story and Russell Crowe and Ryan Gosling just sell the shit out of it. If this movie was just Ryan Gosling pratfalling for an hour, I still would have loved it, but everything around the pratfalls makes me love it more.

Better Call Saul Season 2: it feels like it was SO long ago since I watched this season, but it was just at the beginning of this year. A prequel to Breaking Bad that lives up to those lofty expectations and manages to find so much fun and drama and pathos in the origins of Saul Goodman, who will eventually become a slimy criminal lawyer but that expectation is actually heartbreaking and exciting at the same time. It’s complex, well crafted, and just about the best.